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heyfunniest:

probably looked a little something like this right Jared

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thedailywhat:

Lights Out: Everything Is Terrible presents a collection of completely WTF self-defense techniques you can employ to fight off a potential rapist, including “passing gas” or “excreting on yourself” in an attempt to be less attractive to an attacker.

And, of course, there’s the ever-popular “bite his d*ck off” technique.

What? Learn actual martial arts? That’s silly.

(Sorta not safe for work, graphic cucumber-biting.)

[b3ta.]

When she looked into it, she found herself holding her children’s birth certificates, and all of their names weren’t shitty

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